Why does my friend act so gay

Or I talk about weird things that came to my mind that no one is paying me to write about. I don't think he has ever felt ambiguously about his sexuality so to be clear I'm not confused about what's possible or trying to interpret mixed signals or anything.

And I'm not sure what happened to me- one day we were friends and the next day I had this crush. I guess I'm just A Embarrassed because this seems somehow fundamentally embarrassing—I have only told my brother about this and, I guess, now you and the internet B Bummed because I don't have crushes very often and how unfair is it that the one I do now have is on someone to whom it is completely irrelevant and C Sad because I care about him more than anyone and what is one supposed to do with that kind of caring when I will always just be a close friend?

I assume one day I'll get past this, and that when I do I will continue to do the same thing I do now and have always done—work to be the best friend I can to this person whom I care, and have always cared a lot about. I hope you don't tell me we shouldn't be friends if that's the conclusion you come to please don't answer this letter!

I don't want to know It doesn't change anything when we're together, but I think about it often when we're not. Anyway—your advice column is so lovely and compassionate I thought maybe you could help me find a better? In fact, I think inaction is going to be one of your best tools as you move forward in this friendship.

You do not have to act on attraction. I wish, in fact, that more people esp straight cis men knew this truth. The same way you can see a hot person and not catcall them, you can have a crush why does my friend act so gay a friend and not act on it. If you see this person as a person first and not a sexual object which you clearly do!!!

A lot of people, thousands of millions of people in history have had long, beautiful friendships with people who they are attracted to on some level. Truthfully, friendship and non-platonic love are not as dissimilar as I think society would like us to believe. There is a lot of overlap.

I think that seems incredibly normal, regardless of their availability status. The more you beat yourself up for having this crush, for errant thoughts about how you find him attractive, the more your brain will think about the crush. Your brain starts doing this annoying meta-thing where you think about your crush and then you think about thinking about your crush and then you think about how much you want to stop thinking about thinking about your crush.

Instead, try your best to trust that this crush will wane over time. The job is simply to be a good friend and wait this out. I would try my best not to get stuck in this feeling, to not make it the primary narrative of your romantic life. You can have crushes on multiple people!

Including this guy. You will have crushes on other people in the future. You are not doomed to a life of falling for unavailable people—a trope movies seem to think is A Thing.

Help! I have a crush on my friend, who is gay.

My suggestion is that while you can and should feel and label your feelings, you do not need to make a house out of them and then live in it. As for feeling embarrassed, I hear you. Trust me, I hear you. But it is not embarassing or shameful to have a crush on a person!

No one else is or would be judging you for this. I promise you. But I do want you to hear that. We have allllll had crushes on unavailable people.