Can you be gay later on in life

For Brad and Cyndi Marler, it was that they are both gay. A few years after their wedding, they told each other their secret. Then, for more than three decades, they told no one else. Even as strides were made nationally for gay rights, the Marlers feared being found out.

They built homes, raised their kids and never strayed from their marriage. In public, they were sure to maintain traditional gender roles: Cyndi kept her hair long, and they never mentioned that Brad was the one who decorated their house.

Gay Men Who Came Out Later In Life Are Revealing The "Aha!" Moment That Made Them Come Out

But there came a limit. It was a house of cards that needed to come down, Brad said. He had become deeply depressed and began working on his internalized homophobia with the help of weekly therapy. The couple also says they never would have been able to come out if their parents were still alive.

Brad noted that the shame he associated with his sexuality was triggered after his mother confronted him when he was 16 about the possibility of being gay. The Marlers lived together until March when, having retired and sold their home, they moved into separate apartments in Chicago to explore life as part of the LGBTQ community for the first time.

Paulette Thomas-Martin, 70, came out after a year marriage and when most of her children were adults. It took several years before her children started speaking to her again, Thomas-Martin says, but in the end it brought her family closer. It came out better for my kids.

Adams says coming out later in life may also make socializing and dating more complicated. Cyndi is focusing on figuring out herself before pursuing a relationship with a woman. Even though the Marlers now live separately, they have no immediate plans to divorce and still see each other almost daily.

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